If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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