And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
