im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
