fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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