If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
