i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
