Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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