Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
cat food counts as protein by the way
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
