just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
