i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
