And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Are we still banned from the library?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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