should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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