I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
3pm strippers are depressing
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
