when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
