I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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