You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
do nipples grow back?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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