Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
