I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
