Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
