don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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