A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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