I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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