I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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