Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
