Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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