you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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