you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
