When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
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He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
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Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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