he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
