No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
