Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
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