While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
