a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
