Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
