Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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