the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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