Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
