Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
