he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
