garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
We got so high we made milksteak
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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