I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
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i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize