I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
bring money and cleavage
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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