I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
