you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
