there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
