please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he thought i was a dude.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
