Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
