I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
