You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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