i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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