so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
