Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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