can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
