He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
