how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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