Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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