My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
So gin and wine won't be happening again
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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