Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
