Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
