I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
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